Monday, March 19, 2012

Sick of Struggling

You know, I get so sick of struggling through my sin.
Sometimes I'm sick of the sin itself.
Sometimes, I honestly get frustrated that God won't just let me sit in it.
Come on, Lord---why can't I just sit here a while longer? I like this particular sin. I like this attitude. Why are you robbing me of the joy of living in it?

It's hard to sift through all of the areas that need purified.
Where to start?
Just as one area becomes cleansed, some other area of putrid filth rears its head calling on only the Holy Lord to fix.
His great love and holiness prevents us from sitting forever in our sin.
He makes us too uncomfortable.
Being uncomfortable in our sin is part of the struggle.
That's a gift.
It's evidence of sanctification.
As Paul says in Philippians 2:12 "Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose."
Isn't there a constant tension as our flesh reveals itself and the
Holy Spirit works to combat it?
Shouldn't we struggle living in this world?
It's not our home.
What does it say about the state of our spiritual health if there is no struggle?

As a young woman, a wise friend asked me the state of my spiritual life.
Talk about a pointed question.
Everyone should have a friend willing to ask them that question.
I contemplated lying...
I knew all the "right" answers...
I'd said all the Christian phrases...
However, boldness sometimes invites honesty. Sometimes.
I answered truthfully, "I'm so tired of struggling with this. Where's the victory?"

She nodded her head and chuckled, "The struggle keeps you needing Him. I'd be more worried about you if you told me you weren't struggling with anything."
Defiantly, I claimed, "I'd need Him anyway. I don't need to struggle."
But the sad truth for me is that moments of great triumph and blessing in my life have often been eerily silent of my need for the Lord.

As I'm sick of my own struggle this week, it seems I need an attitude change toward the struggle itself.
Could I take joy in the struggle knowing that sanctification is on the other side?
Could I embrace the effort of working through my layered issues knowing that for now, this keeps me needing the Lord?"

It seems Christians should be able to openly answer at any time,
"How's the state of your spiritual life?"
"What's God letting you struggle with right now?"

And if those questions are offensive to us...
Perhaps we need to kneel before Him and check the state of our heart...

1 comment:

  1. thank you for this, Michelle!!! your writing so eloquently puts into words what my heart often feels and needs to hear.