Lately, the burdens of this world have led to many restless nights.
In stillness and darkness, every fear and insecurity pushed off during the day rises up and launches a full-blown attack on my thoughts.
My mind is most undisciplined at night...is there any doubt that's when the battles would occur?
Couple that with sheer exhaustion, and nighttime becomes a struggle for peace.
Heavy burdens for friends...
I lay there and try to fix and solve and find solutions and I wonder where God is in all of it...
The decisions to be made...
I toss and turn as I weigh out every possible option and sort through the pros and cons of each...
Beloved family members...
I cry out that God might save them...soften them...transform them...and I lay buried under the guilt that maybe I haven't shared enough with them...
What if this happens...or this happens...or this...could God really strengthen...
And the night stretches on...
Lately, my feeble attempts to throw verses at these fears have been quickly overwhelmed by the next haunting thought waiting in line...
The flaming arrows of the evil one...
Those come my way at night...
I know my mom often wonders if anything she taught my brother and I actually stuck with us or if it's been the Lord alone who has done the teaching. My mom used to go through the alphabet to calm her mind and ascribe each letter with a description of the Lord or another name He could be called. She said this removed her thoughts from this earth and placed them solely focused on who God is. It's amazing how some of her practices are coming back to me the older I get. The nights have become fertile ground for me to test some of the ways she disciplined her mind.
It reminds me of the song, "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus." Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things on earth will grow strangely dim. In the light of His glory and grace.
K...Knitter of all life
The burdens of the day still threaten. How can I help this friend? If my husband chooses to apply for this job, what will that mean? I didn't listen to that child today.
L...Lover of my soul
N...Nothing is too big
Q...Quick to Save
S...See-er of All
The attacks often turn personal at night.
I'm so unequipped. So undisciplined. So weary. Such a faker.
X...X-rayer of my heart :)
I'm no longer thinking about myself as the night creeps on. Now, I'm just trying to come up with a word for God that starts with a "y." It's like counting sheep, but a much more productive use of mental energy. Counting the ways of God. Counting who He is. Counting why I count on Him.
Sleep hasn't come, so I start over with new words.
E...Everything I need
G...Giver of life
"I"..."I"...I can't think of another "I" word. The burdens creep closer so I skip "I" and move on.
K...Keeper of all
"I AM"...there's my "I" word.
N...Nothing is too hard for Him
P...Precious Corner Stone
I think I fell asleep sometime after Redeemer.
My burdens long buried under the greatness of God.
Safe in the arms of the Lord who is worthy of trusting.
Such a simple practice, but my mom always found peace by naming the attributes of God.
Because it lifted her eyes above her circumstances and placed them firmly on the One who would be faithful regardless of the circumstances.
I'm looking forward to sleeping tonight.
I've got a new game to practice.
(But not looking forward to bedtime...I don't know what practice there is that could make that easier.)