Brick by Brick

"A wise woman builds up her home, but a foolish woman with her own hands tears hers down." Proverbs 14:1

Some days--brick by brick--I tear down my house.
I'm capable of such poison. Guilty of wearing down the souls of the little people that God has placed in my home to raise up.
I really never understood why some animals eat their young.
Today, my children might argue, had I been an animal...they would have been in danger...

All day...contant questions, complaints, fighting.
Must they have a comment on everything?
Must I comment on everything?
Just obey...
Just receive the answers I give you...
Just hold your tongue...

Or maybe they were obeying...maybe I was just looking for faults...
Maybe they did receive the answers I gave them...maybe I just wanted to pounce...
Possibly they did hold their tongues...it might have been mine that ran wild...

I'm sure my attitude couldn't be helped...
Maybe if they didn't ask so many silly questions...
Or make so many messes...
Or need to eat so often...
Or argue...
Or maybe I started the arguments...
Nevermind. It doesn't matter.
Doesn't someone need to call out their faults?
I'm sure I was driven to impatience by the little sinners in my home.
If they wouldn't pick on each other so much...
If they would stop attacking each another's mistakes...
If they would just show a little more grace...

Brick by brick I tear down my house...

Had there been a "fly" on my wall today, there would have been the question raised, "Who's in charge here? Who's leading this family?"

There's a classic line from one of my favorite movies Remember the Titans.
Two of the football players, who despise each other, are being forced to have a discussion. One says to the other,

"Man, that's the worst attitude I've ever heard."

The other player shakes his head and replies, "Attitude reflects leadership, Captain."

Attitude reflects leadership, Captain.

That line sort of haunts me when my children aren't being gracious.
Are they pouncing on each other's weaknesses because I've been pointing them out all day?
Are they glaring at each other because I've demonstrated the proper way to narrow one's eyes?
Are they judging each other because I haven't show them grace?
Maybe. Probably. And Yes.

I really hate when I see my own sin reflected back at me through my children.
Their attitude reflecting my leadership.

Sometimes I wonder if in the middle of disciplining them for an attitude, an argument, a quick temper, unkind words--I wonder if they are thinking---Who disciplines you, Mom?
Who disciplines you?

The attitudes and sin in my children are NOT ALWAYS my fault.
I can't take the blame.
Our Heavenly Father was PERFECT and look how His kids responded.
They are sinners all by themselves. They don't need me to teach them how to do wrong.
But some days, the very poison that I sense from them began with me.
Some days, an underlying tension can be credited to my own lack of obedience.
Their attitude reflecting my lack of leading...my lack of nurturing...my lack of grace...

I seem to flip-flop between the foolish woman and wise woman. (Good thing I'm not running for president.) I pray that I'm the wise woman more often than the foolish woman.
Building up her home instead of tearing hers down.
Uplifting her children in the Lord instead of pointing out their faults.
Demonstrating wisdom as opposed to modeling hypocrisy.
I want my children to someday "Arise and call me blessed."
I want them to have memories of a mom exuding grace, pouring out love, and speaking wisdom.
I want them to remember their mom repenting to them and to the Lord when her attitude is anything but that of a Godly woman.

If God can part the Red Sea...if He can raise the dead...if He can wipe away our sins...
Do you think it's too much to ask Him to erase their little memories of today?
Or to somehow let the wise things that have been done in this home reign supreme over the foolish?
I think I've got some bricks to put back up tomorrow...