Will you share?

We sure sing a lot for a family that is tone-deaf.
The car is our favorite stage.
The fighting in the back seat is minimal when one of our favorite songs plays.

We fall down. We lay our crowns. At the feet of Jesus.
The greatness of mercy and love at the feet of Jesus.
We cry holy, holy, holy. We cry holy, holy, holy.
We cry holy, holy, holy, is the lamb.

Beautiful song. I love thinking of falling down at the feet of Jesus.
Yesterday, however, a horrible thought struck me as I sung through the first line.
My mind wandered to the crown part...

We fall down. We lay our crowns. At the feet of Jesus.

Crowns in heaven. Revelations 4 mentions the laying of crowns before the throne.
Are these crowns of reward?
I panicked.

"What if I get to heaven and I have no crowns to throw at the feet of Jesus?"
"What if everything I've done in my life burns away?"
"What if my only treasure is the unearned reward of salvation for trusting Christ to do the saving?"
"What if my friends are drowning in their heavenly treasure and I have none?"
"Will they share? Or will they be selfish in heaven and keep the crowns for themselves?"
"I'm sure they'll share. They are nicer than I am.

I'm driving along totally embarrassed about my lack of reward in heaven.

(Clearly I need some sleep. Normal people don't have these thoughts.)

As usual...I must take this thought further.
This is terrible. In heaven, everyone will see my lack of reward and know I'm not really that nice...they'll know that my motives aren't always pure...they'll know I'm a filthy sinner...

I know there are many rooms in heaven. Jesus said so.
He went to prepare a place for me.
But what does that mean?
Does it mean that my room could be just barely inside the pearly gates?

I tried to remember some of the things I had done worthy of reward...anything that might get me a bigger room.
Hmmm...it's challenging to recall deeds done in obedience, with the right motives, while giving glory to God.
Wait...yep, thought of one. One crown I might get.
Oh no, does the fact that I think I'll get a reward for that one now mean that I just lost that reward because now I'm pride-filled at the memory?

All this nonsense thinking birthed because of one little song and one tired mind.

What if I get to heaven--crownless--and I'm living in the smallest room imaginable barely in heaven?

What if when I get to heaven all I have is Jesus?
What if when I get to heaven all I have is Jesus?

Thank goodness God reined me back from such self-focused thinking.
Heaven isn't about you, Daughter. It's about Me.
What if?
What if, Michelle, you get to heaven and all you have is ME?"

I suddenly can't wait to get there.
Forget the crowns, forget the mansion...
Just give me Jesus...