For Me

I guess I succombed to the pressure.
I don't have a facebook account. I don't want to be found.
I don't have a smart phone. I get too distracted.
I wouldn't dream of tweeting. I don't like birds.
But...I do like to write.
I have dozens of journals lined up in my closet that are like long lost friends.
The green one from 1992 talks about my first date.
The blue one from 1995 talks about college and my upcoming wedding.
The pink one from 1998 reveals my fear as a first time mom.
And then I lost some of my innocence.
I suppose everyone learns at some point that in real life 2 + 2 doesn't always equal 4.
Life didn't turn out the way I planned. AND I WAS MAD!
The yellow one from 2003 is tear-stained...every page.
And the next year.
And the next.
The brown one from 2007...it's almost too painful for me to read.
I didn't know I could cuss like that.
I didn't know how much hatred I had.
I did know that I wasn't sure who this God was that I had pledged my life too, but if HE wasn't who HIS WORD said HE WAS...then I was in trouble.
IF HE WASN'T FAITHFUL--IF THERE WASN'T MORE TO THIS LIFE--AHHHHHH
God graciously picked up broken pieces of my life and began to show me who He is.
Not who I wanted Him to be. But who He is...
What a gift.
2008...it's fitting that journal was green.
Growth. New life.
A reminder that nothing stays the same.
That God's mercies are new every morning and even the darkest of nights will pass.
I love writing.
I love the Lord more.
This blog is for me.
This is so I can look back and remember that I was a slave and the Lord has set me free.
And maybe my kids won't have to journey the same road that I have...
But if they do...maybe they'll find encouragement...