It's hard to portray competence when you're chasing your toddler around a porta-potty.
It started with a simple, "I have to go potty."
"Honey, there's only porta-potties out here on the football field, can't you hold it?"
"No, I think I'm going to poop my pants."
Deeper sigh...maybe with a little groan thrown in there.
It took 10 minutes to make our way to the row of porta-potties. They weren't too gross...the three potties lined up on the field. We picked the cleanest one.
"I'll wait out here with Noah...you holler when you are done."
"MOOOOOOM...I need you to wipe me."
I survey the situation...Noah's playing in the grass...no parking lots nearby...no strangers walking near. I decide to go in without him. Surely he's fine for a minute by himself.
I was mistaken.
The wiping took a little longer than expected.
I emerge from the porta-potty to find him running around the porta-potties.
Second mistake...I began to chase him...he thought it was a game...and ran faster.
No...No...No Noah...not between the potties...
And there he went...wedging his little body between two of the potties. His little cheeks rubbing the sides as he furrowed deeper and deeper out of reach.
I had to text for back-up. I texted my sister-in-law, "Noah's wedged between two porta-potties at football practice."
She knows me too well. She texted back, "Tell Savannah to watch him better."
Ha. Ha. Ha. I text, "She was supposed to be watching him, BUT she was sitting on the pot in the porta-potty. I thought he was safer outside. I was wrong."
I'm really trying to not make a scene. How far can he wedge himself before I should get desperate? Now my cheeks are pushed up against the outhouse as I try unsuccessfully to reach him. That stinker. He just giggles and giggles. I sneak around the back. I grabbed his little arm and drag him out.
One second. I took my eyes off him for a second (okay maybe 2 minutes) to wipe little buns and this is how he handles his freedom. Totally untrustworthy.
I can't make eye contact as I walk back to football practice.
I'm not going back to that football practice for a while...and I'm definitely wearing a hat and sunglasses next time.
And that was a good day of parenting...